


you would wait, and watch from far away

by pawn_vs_player



Series: E͏R̰͔͚R̰̫̻͚͔͖O̥̜͙͈̺͔̟R̨͇:̖ ̢͔̤̘̲͈F͟I̤̳̹̥̻̹̠L̨̥̯̪̙̝͎E҉̯͈̞̗͖̥ ̟̠͖̰̥̹ͅN͠O̴̺̝̱̫Ṯ̸͕͔ ̙̳F͚͉̩OU̱̭͓̠͇͟N̥͇̮͈͇̹D̞̯̲̠.̙̱ ̹͙̝͈͈P̡͙̦̩L̳̯̤͚E̞͡ͅA͓̬S̱͝E͓̘̱͎͈̮͚ ̷͇͖̭T͓̖̞̞̬͚̥R̸̪͍̟͉͍ͅY̴͈ ̗͓̦A̺̗̝̟͚̺G͍͙Ḁ̴͎̤ͅI͟N̷̹̳͎̫̤.̠̦̺͎̻͜ [4]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Adopted Children, Anxiety Disorder, Anxious Alphys, Body Horror, Erased Characters, Existential Angst, Families of Choice, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Good W. D. Gaster, Goopy W. D. Gaster, Identity Issues, Mental Health Issues, Non-Consensual Body Modification, POV Alphys, References to Underfell, Self-Esteem Issues, and isn't very happy about it, figured i'd tag just to be safe, those are tagged for the fact that Alphys is a little.... goopier than she used to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-10-29 04:06:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10846143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pawn_vs_player/pseuds/pawn_vs_player
Summary: *Welcome to the V01D L4B.*We hope you enjoy your stay, because this is where you'll be spending the rest of eternity.(Part 2 of the VOID Alphys saga.)((title from "Warriors" by Imagine Dragons.))





	1. baby steps

**Author's Note:**

> *Iiiiiiiiiiiit's exam week for the author!  
> *On their old account, the author had a tradition of updating _everything_ during exams, instead of studying or sleeping.  
>  *They've decided to carry the tradition over to this account, and how better than to bring back DefectTale and its plot?  
> *They hope you enjoy!

The door stands at the other end of the room, waiting for you to make a decision. To open or not to open, that is the question...

You give yourself a sharp shake. You're being silly. You are in the _VOID._ It really isn't like opening that door could make things any worse.

...Your soul is still pulsing in trepidation.

You sigh at yourself, walk forward, and grab the handle. It feels strange against your claws, and when you look down, you see that your hand is acting like a quick-moving plasma - clearly not a liquid, but moving in ways a solid never could.

You're not quite as disturbed by your body's new  _quirks_ this time. You are, after all, a scientist. Every mistake is just data on what not to do. If a mistake is permanent ((dust-colored goop oozing along your floor, bright red needles glittering on your lab table, hissing voices and gaping black holes for faces)), then you take that mistake and you make a solution from it.

You will adjust. 

*You are D E T E R M I N E D to keep going.

You turn the handle. 

You'd half-expected the view that greets you. The hallway that branches off into different directions is the same one you left behind in the Underground. The Lab, your Lab,  _their_ Lab.

The floor is neatly tiled, the walls a clean green-gray. There is an open door a few yards down the corridor, and several closed ones beyond that.

Your lab coat swirls around your legs, creeping out past your feet in smoky tendrils. It reminds you of one of the enemies from an anime you'd watched, but hadn't particularly enjoyed.

You pause.

You look down at your errant coattails and squint pointedly at them.  _S-stop that, ~~~~_you think firmly.

They twist back, curling in on themselves. You're reminded of Endogeny when you had to scold them for breaking your petri dishes.

You close your eyes and think about your old lab coat. You don't try to make it white, but you focus on the shape, the hang of it over your shoulders and the comfortable space around your spines.

When you open them again, the tendrils have woven themselves back into your coat, and it's looking much more corporeal and rather like the one you'd been envisioning.

You smile, just a little.

Apparently being eaten and then spat back out by the VOID has a few perks. You suppose you deserve something good to have come out of that whole thing.

You step forward. Your feet are completely silent against the tile, and somehow, that's what makes your nonexistent stomach twist. In reality, in your lab, your claws always clicked against the tiles. 

You aren't in reality anymore.

 _Toto,_ you think dizzily, remembering the movie Frisk had insisted you all watch for their thirteenth birthday.  _I need a Toto and some ruby slippers, to make a good Dorothy._

Well, you've got a somewhat-sentient lab coat. That can substitute for the slippers, you suppose, even if the coat won't take you home. They're both magical garments that don't really follow the laws of reality.

As for Toto, the ever-loyal companion...

You look down the hall once more. The open door spills light onto the checkered tiles.

You don't have to breathe anymore, but you still fill up your lungs and release the air in a slow rush, the familiar action making you stand taller and your soul beat more strongly.

You can do this.

*(You think of Undyne.)

*(You are filled with BRAVERY.)

 

The silence of your feet against the floor is oddly comforting as you approach the open door. At least you won't be given away just yet.

You aren't surprised by the monster you find. Syru always did value their privacy.

They're sitting in front of their old wall of monitors, desk covered in old mugs and loose papers and pens. The screens are mostly flickering with static, though some are the black color of a place without light ( _just say it, Alphys, just say it's the VOID)_ and the ones closest to Syru's face show scenes you are deeply familiar with. 

The screens nearest Syru's face are displaying the images from  _your_ cameras in the Underground, except that this Underground isn't one you recognize. There's dust trampled into the ground, and all the monsters wear armor and dark glares. As you stand silently in the doorway, a mouse monster tackles a bunny to the ground and they roll about, kicking and biting and growling. The bunny snaps sharp teeth down on the mouse's neck, and there's barely enough time to see the mouse's eyes widen before they explode into dust all over the bunny. 

Syru sighs, rubbing at their forehead.  ~~~~ ~~~~ _ ~~Violent little buggers,~~  _they mutter.  ~~ _Thank fuck that's not our universe._~~

Syru's voice holds the strange echoing reverb as your own, but you can still make out their familiar accent. You smile, remembering that soft twang accompanying the scratch of a pencil on homework and the clank of a toolbox opening.

You've missed them. Your soul shudders under the weight of it, your grief and your loneliness and your guilt crashing down on you all at once. You've missed them  _so much._

You can't just stand here anymore. Even if Syru hates you for all your misdeeds, at least they'll be talking to you, looking at you again. 

You step through the doorway.

Syru, always the cautious one, always the paranoid one, stiffens up as soon as your foot passes the threshold. Your leg prickles. Too late, you see the conductors on each side of the entryway, the little sparks cascading to the floor now you've broken the circuit. 

They turn around. 

They see you.

All their screens short out in a crash of static and a flood of black, but Syru doesn't seem to notice. They're focused on you, big eyes entirely still and glittering blue, the ridges on their face and ribs flexing. 

~~_Alphys?_ ~~

You wrap your arms around yourself. The sound of your name feels like a punch directly to what remains of your soul.

~~H-hey, Syru.~~

They don't move for a moment. Your soul sinks a little in your chest. It's as you feared, they do hate you.  _As they should._

Then they rise from their chair. You close your eyes.

A pair of arms presses against your waist. You open your eyes.

Syru, so much smaller than everyone except Rien, is trying to hug you. Their arms are too short to wrap around you properly, but they're clearly trying. 

You drop to your knees and pull them into your arms. Their hands lock behind your neck and you press your face into their shoulder.

 ~~ _Alphys,_~~ Syru whispers.  ~~ _Oh, Alphys, we've missed you so much, but- what are you **doing** here?_~~

 ~~Will you y-yell at me if I t-tell you the truth?~~ you ask, laughing a little. You can't cry, but you want to. At least this time it isn't from guilt or terror.

 ~~ _What'd you do to yourself?_~~ Syru demands, pulling back. You sniff, grabbing their hand. Even so much smaller than you, their glare is formidable.  ~~ _Alphys, how did you get here? What **happened** to you?_~~

 ~~It w-was for a good cause,~~ you begin, and Syru groans.

 _ ~~It always is,~~_ ~~~~they grumble, _ ~~and it always ends with you hurt. Come on, if we're doing this I'm not going to be the only one scolding you.~~_ ~~~~

You wince. ~~Have m-mercy?~~

 _ ~~Not a chance,~~_ ~~ _kid_ ,~~ Syru says.  ~~~~

Anfen sweeps you up into his arms, shoulders shaking like he'd be sobbing if any of you could still shed tears. Rien smacks your arm, grumbles about reckless kids, but as soon as Anfen lets go they're nuzzling into your shoulder in their personal show of affection.

Sal slithers over to rest her head on your shoulder and poke at your coat with her tail. Nesca remains curled up in the corner, but she looks at you and smiles, so that's something. Nesca was never the most physically affectionate anyway.

There is no Gaster. You don't say anything about it, but Rien notices your searching gaze and sighs.

 ~~ _sorry, alphys,_~~ they say.  ~~ _the doc only shows up when he wants to. we don't know where he is._~~

 ~~Isn't that dangerous?~~ you point out, thinking of the endless darkness outside.  ~~Why would he...~~

 _ ~~oh,~~_ ~~no,~~ Rien hurries to correct.  _ ~~he's not out in the thick of it. there are other bubbles in the VOID; he's checking on them.~~_ ~~~~

 ~~Oh.~~ You try not to be disappointed. It's probably nice to have someone checking on you here, even if it's an intimidatingly tall skeleton who doesn't speak the common language. In your case,  _especially_ if it's that skeleton - but that doesn't seem like it's going to happen for some time.

You suppress a giggle. You keep forgetting that you left Time behind when you left Reality.

 

But you did. And you aren't on a schedule anymore.

So you let yourself relax into their hugs and you let the questions spill from your mouth, because you don't need to hurry anymore.


	2. break the lock if it don't fit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Somewhere, a clock is ticking._  
>  VOID Alphys angsts. Gaster returns. Understandings are reached.  
> ((Title from "Kiss With A Fist" by Florence + The Machine because her music fuels creativity.))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The author hopes you don't mind their decision to split this up into two chapters. It just... felt right, breaking it where they did. The pieces are definitely related, but they carry slightly different tones, and this section covers different issues than the previous.  
> *The author hopes you enjoy chapter two! (And that you comment if you do!)

You aren't aware of time passing, because it doesn't in the VOID - but it does, sort of, because you aren't frozen in a moment, you're moving forward and it doesn't matter whether you're in the timestream, you can make your own path. You'll cut your way as far as you have to to get back to Reality and your wife and your  ~~brother~~ and your friends. 

You aren't aware of time passing, because it doesn't. But that doesn't mean things are static.

Syru shows you how the screens work, and Anfen demonstrates the strange steps of shaping Unreality into Reality (of course he mainly uses it to make hot chocolate), and Sal and Nesca teach you how to reshape your throat and hum the frequencies that make the VOID shudder away from you like you're a danger.

Rien, meanwhile, slaps your shoulder and tells you not to let it go to your head. 

You missed them. You missed them all _so much_. 

 

If you're honest with yourself, as much as you miss Gaster and want to see him again, you're terrified of what he'll think of you.

You failed his son. You failed  _everyone._  

 

They've left you alone for a time, letting you sit in the darkness and just- be. Maybe not exist, because this is _Un_ reality, but you  _are_ , and that counts for something, and sometimes you just- need to be reminded of that.

It had been - not good, when the VOID was... consuming you, not good at all by any definition, but - 

But the thing is - you can't say it was  _bad_ , either.

It was awful, but that can mean both awe-inspiring and horrific, and it _was_ both. The whole of That Which Exists Elsewhere had focused on  _you_ , poured Its focus onto you and spoke to you and  _wanted you._

You'd said no. You'd had the power to say no.

But, looking at your hand - viscous and darkened like sooty walls - and your coat - devoid of color and independently moving - you wonder if that No meant as much as you thought it did.

 

 

 

You want to go home.

 

 

 

 

He finds you in that room. You have no idea whether it takes him a millisecond or a century. It doesn't really matter, anyway. 

**~~a l p h y s .~~ **

~~Hi, d-doc,~~ you whisper. You keep your eyes on the same wall you've been staring at for the past however long.  ~~What've you b-been up to?~~

 ** ~~n o t m u c h ,~~**   he says. You can hear him gliding across the floor toward you.  ** ~~a l p h y s . . . o h , d e a r g i r l . w e ' v e a l l m i s s e d y o u , b u t . . . w e n e v e r w a n t e d y o u t o e n d u p l i k e t h i s .~~**

 ~~Well, too bad it wasn't y-your decision,~~ you snap. You're tired and your soul is heavy and you want to go  _home,_ and you  _can't,_ and it's your own damn fault so you may as well suck it up but you  _can't._

You feel him looming behind you. He rarely means to, but he's so tall that he just can't help it most of the time.

 ~~ **a l p h y s ,**~~ he says. Your soul trembles at the grief in his voice.  ~~ **i h a v e a l r e a d y l o s t o n e c h i l d t o t h e c r e a t u r e s h e r e . i d i d n o t w a n t t o l o s e a n o t h e r .**~~

You don't look at him. Your voice shakes.  ~~I d-didn't want this e-either. But h-here we are.~~ You close your eyes and let your head tip back, remembering one of the shows you and Undyne watched together at her house, squeezed together on her couch.  ~~W-what is done c-cannot be undone. We m-must go on.~~

A laugh escapes you, rasping and harsh.  ~~I kn-know with the kid it do-doesn't quite f-fit, but-~~

 **~~a l p h y s~~ ** ~~.~~

You go quiet. Your head falls forward. You don't want to look at him.

~~**o h , a l p h y s .** ~~

You hear him lowering to the floor behind you. His shadow shortens to almost the length of your own.

Funny how light still works in here just because the people here want it to, even though outside the Lab, the VOID completely negates the presence of light. 

~~Doc-~~

His arms settle around your shoulders. He is thick and fluid, the endless black of the VOID and the goopy ooze of the re-formed monsters that live in it. 

He is, impossibly, warm. 

It's only then that you realize just how cold you feel.

 ** ~~i h a v e m i s s e d y o u t e r r i b l y , m y d e a r g i r l ,~~** ~~~~he whispers.

You cannot cry. 

Instead your shoulders heave and you let out short, gasping breaths, and you dig your claws into his plasmic arms like that might make him stay. His detached hands settle on your head, stroking your spines.

 ~~I'm sorry,~~ you choke out.  ~~I- I just wanted to s-st-stop them, we'd t-tried everything e-else-~~

 ** ~~s h h h h~~** ~~,~~ he murmurs.  ** ~~i ' v e g o t y o u . t h e y c a n ' t h u r t y o u a g a i n .~~**

 ~~But they can hurt _him!_~~ you cry, and then you're hyperventilating, and the ability to speak leaves you completely.

He holds you, and pets your spines, and tells you again and again that you're safe from them.

You can tell that he wants to say more, promise that Sans will be saved and Chara will be punished and the universe will be set to rights, but he's never once lied to you, and you know he doesn't want to start now. 

 

 ~~Don't c-call me that anymore,~~ you say, when you can speak again and your lungs aren't rebelling against you.

 ~~ **d o n ' t c a l l y o u w h a t ?**~~ Gaster asks. You can hear the trepidation in his voice.

 ~~I'm s-still your g-girl,~~ you reassure, shooting him a quick smile.  ~~Don't split your s-skull over it.~~

He touches one of the cracks and shoots you a faux-wounded look. You giggle, but the decision boiling hot in your soul has the laughter trailing off quick enough.

 ~~I n-need you to stop c-calling me Alphys,~~ you explain.

Gaster stares at you.  ** ~~. . . i d o n o t u n d e r s t a n d .~~** ~~~~

You sigh and get to your feet. ~~Come on.~~

You lead him to the lab you first found yourself in, closing the door behind the two of you. You focus on the opposite wall, where there used to be an elevator leading up to the main floor of the Labs.

Your soul sparks black and indigo. You spread your arms.

The wall yanks apart. The emptiness of the VOID stares at you, completely surrounding your little safe haven but not entering it. 

*Everyone here is D E T E R M I N E D to hold it back.

 ~~ **a l p h y s !**~~ Gaster yells. 

 ~~I t-told you to stop,~~ you remind him, and let the gap close. The wall seals back together like nothing ever happened. 

You turn to face him. Your labcoat swirls around your heels, tendrils crawling across the floor to prod at the hem of Gaster's semi-solid body.

 ~~Alphys c-can't do that,~~ you tell him.  ~~I'm not Alphys anymore.~~

He opens his mouth. You know it's to argue, so you cut him off before he can begin.

 ~~I know who I am, and i-it's not who I w-was. There are so m-many of Alphys now, D-Doc, in s-so many timelines. I'm the o-only one who isn't r-real.~~ You gesture around you.  ~~Look at wh-where we are! Look at what I'm c-capable of!~~ You draw your arms in, wrapping them around your abdomen. You think of a bright red smile and the silver slash of a knife.  ~~I ERASED A-Alphys, Doc. I h-have her memories, her a-attachments, but I'm not her. N-not anymore.~~

Gaster's hands are twitching. 

 ~~You need to stop calling m-me someone I'm not,~~ you tell him, as gentle as you can.  ~~You're not l-losing anyone else, Doc, I p-promise. I'm j-just different, is all.~~

Gaster twitches, and the great black mass of him sweeps forward. You do not flinch.

He envelopes you in him, thick black ooze wrapping around you and dripping down your back to meld with your own half-tangible coat. You bury your hands in what would be his abdomen and lean into him, letting him hold you and reassure himself that yes, you're here, this is your soul, you're changed but you aren't gone.

 ~~It's okay,~~ you tell him, patting at his arm.  ~~I'm okay.~~

 ** ~~n o w w h y d o n ' t i b e l i e v e t h a t~~** ~~,~~ he manages, pulling back slowly. The blackness of his arms surges free of your coat, forming back into the rough shape of limbs.

 ** ~~s o . . . w h a t i s y o u r n a m e , t h e n ?~~** ~~~~he asks carefully. His eyes are very bright.

You glance behind you, at the unscathed wall you'd just ripped apart with magic you'd never be able to use if you were still Real.

 ~~I'm... Val,~~ you decide, turning back to him. 

There is a moment of hesitance. You watch him mull it over in his skull and wait for his decision. Your soul shivers.

He reaches out one hand, the hole in the middle glowing faintly green.  ** ~~h e l l o , v a l .~~** ~~~~

You smile up at him, hooking your claws into the hole and pulling the hand up and down a couple times. ~~Hi, D-doc.~~

**Author's Note:**

> *For reference:  
> *Syru is the Follower with large eyes, no clothes, stubby arms, and the weird sign on their chest that looks like it might signify muscle.  
> *Anfen is the one who carries his head in his hand.  
> *Rien is the gray, erased copy of Monster Kid (or rather, they look the same, but aren't the same person).  
> *Sal is the Follower who looks like a giant head, although that's not how her body actually works. Nesca is a smaller, differently-colored version of Sal.


End file.
